doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Panties = found
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize