party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
