Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
