i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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