uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
