I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
