MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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