awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
