Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
not ubering you a puppy
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
