Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The uberlube is also flammable
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
