Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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