Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
