I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
