Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
