She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
