so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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