drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
