So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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