You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
