Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
