My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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