Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
