I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
