From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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