ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think we sleep fucked last night...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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