booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
