I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
