Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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