my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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