wakey wakey hands off snakey
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
As shirtless as possible
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
