just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Randomize
