i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
