you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Quick, to the slutcave!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
