my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
