watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
