we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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