oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
