dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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