I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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