Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
