I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
