im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
