We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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