His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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