i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
