I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
