Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
