I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
