@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
