is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
